What makes a person stay in an unhappy or abusive marriage? I mean some people can go for years like 30 years, 30 years of committing to unhappiness with no intimacy, with no proper conversation with their spouse, 30 years of verbal, physical and emotional abuse. I mean that is some huge,huge commitment. So maybe you have tried everything to make it work with no luck. What is that reason that’s making you stay? Is it…
Your children – surely children would like to see their parents happy, live in a happy home so you as a parent wouldn’t you like to set an example of what a good marriage is,to give your children something to look forward to in their own lives. Your children are bound to feel responsible for your unhappiness so why would you want them to go through that. Now 30 years down the line, you probably have some grandchildren and they have to be witnesses to that too?
Money/House – you think ooh we got that house together and if I leave I am going to lose out. I cannot imagine using material things as an excuse. You think you are going to be destitute, homeless. So maybe you haven’t worked all your life and you feel like if you leave it will be the end of you. If you are able bodied surely you can go and look for work than to be lazy and unhappy?
Other people (friends, family, community) – you are so ashamed to disappoint your witnesses of your marriage by going against your wedding vows. You rather live an unhappy life because of what other people might think or say. Tell you what, those people are busy with their own lives and you care so much about what they will think. They are probably thinking you are such a damn fool. At the end of the day it is not about them but you.
Fear of the unknown – Fear of change? When there is no change there is stagnation or there is death. Why are you so afraid of change? For progress to be there change has to happen, change is good. You might realise there is a whole lot of life and happiness waiting for you only you are blocking it. How are you going to know if you don’t take that first step to change your circumstance?
You – you think there is nothing good for you in the world and you subject yourself to such suffering, why? Why don’t you love yourself enough to see yourself happy?
Whatever the reason that’s keeping you trapped in that sad marriage… Is it really worth it?
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